The Myth of Perfect Coziness
(This is an audio version of the newsletter below. It’s unedited and raw. If you prefer to listen, I hope you enjoy it, including the real sounds and stutters that come with it)
Hi friends,
I'm sitting here in my favorite oversized sweater, a cup of tea that's already gone a bit cold because I got distracted, and a pile of laundry that's been waiting patiently on the couch for... let's just say long enough to have become an unofficial piece of furniture. And you know what? This feels like the perfect moment to talk about the myth of perfect coziness.
The Staged Life We See Online
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge something? Social media has led us to believe that simply being a human is glamorous, that a fulfilling life must be filled with tables adorned with fresh flowers, freshly laundered sheets (apparently changed daily?), and home-cooked meals every night that look like they belong in a magazine spread.
I'll admit, I love watching cozy content too. One of my favorite YouTube channels—probably the only one I actually watch regularly—features a woman sharing her weekly life. It's usually a 20 to 30 minute video of her doing the most mundane things: homemaking, baking, vacuuming her floors. Every Sunday, like clockwork, I turn it on while folding laundry—my little moment of comfort, even if my husband and son tease me mercilessly for it.
There's something comforting about watching someone else do chores while you do yours. It makes you feel less alone in the mundane tasks that make up so much of our lives.
But as much as I love this channel, I often look around at her perfectly curated life and think, "Gosh, she put so much effort into making that look picture perfect. I sure hope her real life isn't that complicated." Making every single meal from scratch every night seems like such a stretch to me in this season of life. And while maybe some people genuinely want that, it seems like such a tedious task! I hope this lovely woman takes time off once in a while and phones it in with some easy meals.
Or I at least hope she takes a day off from vacuuming, because based on her videos alone, it seems like one of her favorite hobbies. She appears to spend so much of her life making sure her home is perfectly spotless. I don't know about you, but that feels like too much pressure to keep up with!

The Pressure of Perfection
It's so easy to get wrapped up in the idea of trying hard. At everything. Striving and reaching to be better than we were before, smarter, richer, more beautiful, thinner, cleaner... I could go on and on.
But there's such a deep inner sense of calm when you finally embrace who you are. Being yourself and embracing your own distinct personality traits and quirks allows you to stop working so hard to be someone else.
It opens you up to be fully yourself, offering a sense of self-acceptance that feels like coming home. You can trust that you know who you are, you're happy with who you are, and you belong just as you are.
When you embrace authenticity, what once felt like flaws can become your strengths. Self-acceptance brings a sense of calm and belonging that no picture-perfect Instagram post ever could.
My Version of Cozy
For me, authenticity means acknowledging that I get overwhelmed easily, that I don't enjoy surprises, and I hate to rush. That means in my life, I do my best to plan my schedule, meals, and get-togethers with other people. I plan so that I give myself ample room to move through life at my own pace.
It's not rigid or overly structured, but it's in place so that I have time to react without anxiety taking over. While some might see my approach as too structured and not spontaneous enough, my authentic self just truly doesn't enjoy a whole lot of spontaneity. So I've settled into this cozy life of mine that lets me embrace that about myself, without apology.
For you, authenticity might mean something completely different. Maybe you love experiencing new things, exploring new hobbies or crafts, or having lots of time to catch up with friends. The idea here is that we all embrace what makes us feel good to create a life that works for us and only us, never having to explain ourselves to others.
Finding Real-Life Coziness
When my husband and I were just starting our lives together and we didn't have a lot of money, I would scour catalogs and walk through furniture stores just wishing I had more to spend on gorgeous couches, chairs, and table sets. I'd imagine my "someday" perfect home where everything matched and looked just so.
Over time, we acquired the furniture we have now, and somehow we wound up choosing more classic and timeless pieces. They still have personality, but we chose items that were comfortable above all else. We bought an IKEA couch 10 years ago after moving into a rental, and I promised my husband that when we moved, we didn't have to keep it if it didn't fit. He hated it, but I kept pushing to make it work.
With a few updates over the years like new legs and a different color cover, that couch is still comfortable, fits into our home and season of life well, and feels like us. All these years later, it still works, and I'm glad we didn't hop on a trend that would have gone out of fashion (and our budget) years ago.
Embracing the Beauty of Imperfection
There's something to be said for things that have been loved well. Whether it's a comfortable sweatshirt, a pair of jeans, or marks in your wood floor. Although some might see these things as run down or overly worn, I love to see the life that something has provided.
Things that aren't perfect don't need to be hidden. Things that are well-loved and well-used have a beauty of their own. It's okay if there are stains on your floor. It's okay if the paint has worn away on one part of the wall or there are crayon marks that never fully came up. It's okay that there might be scratches on the side of the car. If something is still serving a purpose for you, you can relish in the fact that you have what you need. You are still creating joy and going about your life with that item.
From my own life right now, I am deeply entrenched in the idea of living without perfectionism. Finding ways to just settle into what feels good in my body and in my life. When life is busy (and when isn't it?), there's no time for perfection. When my life is done and over with, no one will look back and think, "Gosh, I wish her outfits were a little more polished" or "I wish she vacuumed her floors more often."
For me, this means letting go of rigid expectations, finding contentment in the small moments, and remembering that coziness isn't about perfection—it's about feeling at home in my own life.
Right now, with all that I've learned so far, the imperfection of real life is what is most beautiful. It's the messes, the disasters, the oopsie moments that make us all feel human and connected.
My mindset shift is that an aesthetic is fun, but it's not real. Being cozy means being yourself authentically. Being comfortable with yourself means embracing where you are in your life right now.
What about you? What are some ways that you enjoy embracing imperfection in your everyday life? What are you doing to actively seek cozy vibes despite a world that demands perfection from us?
I'd love to hear your thoughts.
Until next time,
Rachael